Head of Sumedh

Just Show Up

2011-08-03T21:36:00.002-04:00

It is the idea of self that causes suffering.

If we are to live our lives honestly, we do what we must do to the best of our abilities - that is the only thing in our control. But expectations, a desire for outcome - they are our cause of distress and disappointment. A man's duty is his duty, his karma is his karma, and his destiny is his destiny. Ideas, desires, goals, duties arise - and his only undying promise is to attend to these needs the best as he can --- show up and put in his effort --- the results are something independent and without meaning.

If there was no idea of self -- there would be nothing to achieve. But when the results come to define who we are, what we believe about ourselves, our identity, there is a tremendous pressure put on our shoulders. Suddenly we are put in charge of something independent of us, something largely out of our control (results) --- and that is anxiety provoking.

If you approach a pretty girl and her friends laugh at you and she tells you to buzz off, who is getting hurt? You are still there, standing, breathing, living, experiencing --- you are still you - but the idea of you who you hold in your head takes a hit. Maybe certain beliefs you had or would like to have about yourself take a hit - it is disorienting and stressing. But if you simply do not take it personally, show up and do what you have to do, you learn from the experience and there is no sufferer on the other end to internalize and bottle the experience as something that defines who you are.

The world is a place of practice and experience. Go at something long enough, and you'll figure it out. Think of something enough, and you become it. Change is always occurring. Life is dynamic. But we long to have something more definite, an I who we can turn to -- someone to reference and protect us in the midst of life's changes. But to hold onto this imaginary person is to put your nature against the very essence of life.

A sense of self is a lot of extra pressure. Suddenly there is a life story in your head to live up to. There are additional layers of emotions to tread through. You are battling yourself to define who you are in a way that makes sense and is acceptable to you. But action is so simple. It is showing up, pushing yourself slightly outside your comfortable zone, and allowing the results to be results. It is non-personal, simply your energy and your mastery of the moment interacting with the outside world - playing the little dance they play trying to learn the music without a part of you going "No, this dance must be perfect! It must be like this RIGHT NOW or I will not be happy!".

Scarcity Mentality

2011-07-20T20:19:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I'm living my life and I notice I have a high emotional attachment to results. I care very much about people's reactions to things I do or say, and perceptions and outcomes are what matter most. My heart and piece of mind are being worn on my sleeve, I am eagerly awaiting the results of things I do - as if life is some sort of test, and a negative reaction or outcome from the outside world is momentarily very disappointing. It is a feeling as if constantly leaning towards the future, eagerly hoping for positive results. It is a feeling as if being very ungrounded in self. If someone says something to me, I respond instantly in a knee-jerk fashion without taking the moment to consider my center. If information is given to me I devour it hungrily without taking the time to really process or digest the full meaning of it. "I need more good stuff, I need more good stuff, I need more good stuff, don't give me bad stuff, oh no! bad stuff!, give me more good stuff, come on outside world make me feel good!"

Other times I feel like I am in a place that is less outcome oriented. Things are as they are, and life is seemingly a lot less personal. The beauty of a flying bird has a chance to catch my attention, there are moments for raw appreciation without a desire to receive something for my action(s). It is honest expression that matters - not the reactions of others, I am not looking to the reaction of others to help me determine my sense of self or identity, I am not looking to others and the world to tell me I'm OK, and I am not hungrily grasping for piece of mind. Here I am grounded in the moment watching and interacting with the world from my perspective as my life unfolds before my eyes, not desiring to fulfill myself or solve anything from a moment to moment basis because in the moment everything is cool as is.

There is something about approaching life from the perspective of scarcity and wanting to GET as much as you can out of it that is highly unsatisfying. It leaves no space or time for appreciation and gratefulness because you are obsessed with filling an abyss of desire. Where does this needy and scarcity perspective arise from? How does it invade the mind? In a world filled with so much wealth, love, and beauty --- how does the ego have a habit of popping up and demand that everything be an unrealistic ideal RIGHT NOW? It makes us into a try-hard, always striving, always paranoid, never satisfied. Does it come from seeing others who seem to "have more" than us? Is it all the media and advertising? It is a projection of our fear of never achieving true happiness before our inevitable death? Is it a natural drive? Where does this sense of lack and unquenchable desire comes from?

Society/Authority & Your Beliefs

2011-06-30T01:08:00.006-04:00

After writing this post, I realize it is similar to this one and this one. I get inspired by the similar ideas multiple times :) However, I think you will find this post to be more in-depth and from a different angle.

From the day we are born we are judged. Sometimes we are told we are good, sometimes we are told we are bad. We express one part of ourselves and we are rewarded, we express another part of ourselves and we are punished. Sometimes parents, teachers, society, bosses approve, other times they don't. In all these judge/judged relationships, we assume the judge has greater knowledge of right/wrong, truth, and correct behavior. We give up our inclination, instincts, desires, freedom - and adopt a set of beliefs about life and self to meet the standards of those whom we assume have greater knowledge. What we do not realize is that a lot of the beliefs encouraged and adopted by society and authority figures are arbitrary.

"Authority figures" have been influenced by a million imperfect influences their whole lives, and the result is they, like everyone else, are imperfect. Societies have played a large role in developing characters like Hitler, do you really believe that your or any society is without fault or error? Each person you have learned from in society has negative emotions, desires, beliefs --- and the negativity that they harvested within themselves has been passed on to you. You were and are an open vessel, waiting to be filled with ideas and beliefs - you were and are unsuspecting that you may be filled with some ideas and beliefs that are unhelpful and self-defeating. You were and are a garden of fertile soil, waiting for beliefs and ideas to be planted - you just did not know some of the plants would be poisonous. And here you are today, believing your beliefs, clinging to your ideas, unaware of what a large role others have had in your life story and sense of self.

So you were being a hyper kid and your dad was tired and having a bad day and said, "Dammit! What the hell is wrong with you, calm down you jackal!". Now if you're like most kids you bought into what your parents said, hell they've been around so long and they seem to know so much. So what does your unconscious mind process? "There is something wrong with me", "Being hyper is bad", "To avoid being punished suppress my excited energy". And the seed to grow the belief that there is something wrong with showing excess energy has been planted into your brain, and this seed grows with you over time (especially if you are repeatedly told similar statements by so called "authority figures" and society). Soon, dad does not have to tell you to stop being hyper, you tell yourself to stop being hyper.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to change because you have learned the error of your ways about something, and realize there is something better you can be and desire to be. But how many of our (often unconscious) negative beliefs are arbitrary, random, unnecessary, and inaccurate? How many times have you been told "no" or "what you are doing is bad" or "you are bad" or "you are not worthy" in your life, and how ingrained are those beliefs in you? How are these beliefs effecting you today? I say fuck all that. I am who I am, and you are who you are. The energy that lives in us is God given, it is there to be expressed through us in our lives, and as long as it causes no-one any harm there is nothing wrong with it. I think through the years our true selves, desires, emotions, thoughts, self, get repressed in order to fit into a cookie cutter society where everyone wants you to be more like them so that they feel more comfortable about who they are - there is a certain comfort in conformity. Eventually we do not have to be told "no" by others anymore, because we buy into their beliefs so hard that we "no" ourselves. As long as you are not causing harm to others, their opinion of who you are, how you express yourself, and how your self interacts with the world means nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Note: We can make anyone into an authority figure that molds our thoughts merely by being too eager or accepting to buy into what they believe and by discarding our own self, intuition, and rational.

I was inspired to write this post after reading the first chapter of "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz. It is an easy read, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thoughts & Beliefs

2011-06-24T12:23:00.003-04:00

It has been evident to me that our thoughts play a large role in determining our reality, that our thoughts have a large influence with our interaction with reality, that our thoughts are addictive and we hold onto them, and that our thoughts are far from always being accurate.

When life circumstances reinforce a belief into you again and again, eventually you believe that belief, you make that belief a part of your identity, and even when life isn't necssarily reinforcing that belief into you anymore, it becomes such a large part of your identity and reality that you perpetuate it into your life.

Now that sounds kind of crazy, let me explain. Say growing up a kid is picked on by two older siblings who often cause him physical harm and insult him.The parents are busy and do not intervene, and day after day the kid is inflicted physical pain and the constant message "you are not good enough", "you are worthless", "you do not deserve to be treated with respect", "other people can do what they want with you and there is nothing you can do about it", etc is communicated (both verbally and non-verbally) to the kid. Eventually his thoughts, actions, emotions, behavior, and sense of self will reflect these beliefs. Now, the kid goes to school, he has a low opinion about himself, he does not consider himself to be a strong person, thus he is an easy target for bullies, and the bullies reinforce those negative beliefs onto him.

The kid randomly is the youngest sibling and just happens to have two aggressive older siblings, but because of the situation that he has been placed in he is inheriting a set of negative self-defeating beliefs. This kid could very well have been the oldest sibling somewhere else, or been an only child, or have had passive siblings, and if that were the case his environment would be reinforcing a different set of beliefs upon him. Because of the negative beliefs that have permeated his sense of self, he is unknowingly inviting negative behavior to perpetuate and reinforce his negative beliefs. Were the same kid place in a different familial situation, his sense of self and interaction with his class mates would be very different.

The environments you spend time in largely influence your sense of self and your behavior patterns. I think it is important to recognize the message your brain is receiving both verbally and non-verbally by those in your environment. Once your brain has a belief, it is constantly looking for evidence to reinforce that belief even if that belief is not helpful, so often a neutral event will be interpreted negatively if you have a negative belief/inclination regarding said event. Also, as I mentioned earlier, your beliefs will influence your behavior in such a way to reinforce your beliefs.

The best way to change your beliefs (that I know of) is to constantly challenge them. Say the kid I was discussing earlier grows up and believes that all people are mean. He could move to an area that is generally known for being nicer. He could join a group of people that is known to be open and accepting (church group, community service group). He could talk to everyone who seems nice and see how they react. To change a belief you need to try to place yourself situations where you increase the evidence your brain receives for what you want to believe, and decrease the evidence of beliefs you want your brain to disbelieve.

This is difficult. Our brains and bodies like things to stay the same, it likes the status quo. Our bodies constantly maintain the body temperare of 98.6 degreees. When we don't work out a lot, it's so hard to work out --- when we work out all the time, missing a work out makes you feel bad. If you're used to waking up at noon everyday, it's hard to wake up at 6am. We eat 3 meals a day, and we feel weird if we sleep on the wrong side of the bed. We are wired for consistency and predictability. One thing I've noticed about myself, is that if I receive really good and hard evidence to believe something that I want to believe, but in my depth I don't believe, my brain will react by believing in even harder the thing I don't want to believe for a short period of time. Your brain is afraid of change, even if change means a better life for you. It's up to you to make your brain accept that what it thought was true, isn't.

Action, Thoughts & Emotions

2011-06-01T23:59:00.002-04:00

We imagine ourselves to be someone who we are not. We think grand thoughts, we think miserable thoughts. We think big dreams, we wallow in depression. We create a world in our mind, think it, live in it, believe in it, and before much is done our sense of self is defined by an involuntary half-ass interpretation of the brain. But many of those beliefs are bullshit. They are just thoughts, and though thoughts are a helpful tool, thoughts are just words we use to guide us on our life - they are not life itself.

Something that is always truth, something that is always real, something that is in our control, is our actions. No matter what you think, how you feel, you are always free to take some sort of action in a moment. Life gives us the playground (thoughts & emotions being part of the circumstances, playground), but we decide how we want to play (what actions we take). You are always free to strive towards what you want. You are always free to work towards what you desire. You are always free to try to move closer to your goals. Nothing can stop you.

If you believe something is the right thing to do. Do it. Thoughts are denying you? Emotions are denying you? Fuck them. I mean, recognize them, question their validity, listen to what they are trying to say, learn from them, learn about your conditioned beliefs and reactions (so you can work on changing them), but for God's sake don't BELIEVE something so random and unstable as TRUTH. They exist, there is a reason they exist, there is a message within them, you can learn about yourself from them, but is there any universal TRUTH or VALIDITY to them? No.

Do what you have to do. Plow through that resistance which tells you to hold back your life, hold back your spirit, hold back your truth, hold back your self-expression. "It is easier to behave your way into thinking differently, than to think yourself into behaving differently." Life is there to be lived, and the biggest enemy stopping you from living the life you want to live is yourself. Your brain makes excuses, your emotions resist change, but in your gut you know what you want - you know what you have to do - do it. Handle your life. You know what you value, what's important for you to do and experience - do it. Your thoughts and emotions will eventually follow the lead of your actions.

Claim Your Life

2011-05-26T19:47:00.004-04:00

Being a truly strong man isn't something you are born with, it is something you earn.

Being someone who handles the uncertainty and unpredictably of life. Being someone who is comfortable with who he is, and has an idea of where he wants to go. Being someone who does not rely on crutches, rely on safety, rely on predictability, rely on others.

It comes from putting yourself in tough situations and finding a way out. From challenging your beliefs and assumptions. From facing your demons. From going out and making a conscious effort to experience the things in life your inner spirit is yearning to experience. From willing to disappoint others in order to pursue his own purpose. From trusting in yourself, your life, your experience - rather than forgoing the power of shaping yourself and your life in the name of acceptance from others and security.

It is not selfish, rather it is the most unselfish thing you can do. When has a man who has not earned the right to trust himself gone on to be a strong leader whom others can trust? When has a man who is not comfortable with himself and loving of his life experience, gone on to put others at ease and put greater love in the lives of others? When has a man who has not learned himself, gone on to teach others anything of importance?

Any life experience that bruises and hurts has the ability to teach you lessons and humble you. Short-term pain hurts, but playing not to lose rather than to win wears away at the spirit for life. This is my life, these are my challenges, these are my desires, these are my fears. To the best of my ability I will face all that I feel holds me back, to the best of my ability I will be fully honest about my life experience, because that is the only way to truthfully and honestly come out the other side. It is a process. There are no quick fixes. There is only motivation and persistence to achieve the goals that are the most important to you, no matter what anyone else thinks of you.

We cling to our pain, our fears, and our excuses. We want to be a victim. If it is out of my hands, what my life is is not my fault. The obstacles may be out of our hands, but the way we react to obstacles never is. The bigger the obstacle, the more you grow when you finally come out the other side. We are not entitled to anything. We do not deserve anything. We shape our own reality. We dictate how we react to the world, and how the world reacts to us. Our lives are our responsibility. Claim it, or don't, the benefactor is no-one else but yourself.

"You take your life into your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing; no one to blame." - Erica Jong

Framing Your Thoughts

2011-04-20T22:37:00.005-04:00

This post is related to the post "Creating Your Own Reality".

What I've been thinking about some lately is how we create our own reality with our thoughts - and how there are a million different ways to interpret any event or situation - and though I'm not exactly sure why we frame the situations and events in our lives the way we do (most likely a mix of nature and nurture), what I do know the way we frame our events effects the way we feel about ourselves and our future thoughts.

Say your girlfriend that you really like dumps you. You can think she dumped you because you are worthless and don't deserve her. You can think she dumped you because there is something wrong with her and you were too awesome for her to handle. You can think she dumped you because the life of the relationship was over and it was time for both of you to move on. You can think she dumped you because you were not a strong enough person to deserve a girl like her. You can think she dumped you because you were not communicative enough to have a healthy relationship. You can interpret this single event a million different ways - and the funny thing is however you interpret the situation will become your truth.

I am not saying there is no truth and no accurate interpretations versus inaccurate interpretations. But there are helpful interpretations and unhelpful interpretations. There are ways of interpreting things that keep your confidence in line and your soul grounded, and there are ways of interpreting that make you feel insecure and doubtful. If your interpretations have self-defeating, self-pitying, and self-destructive undertones - then you will make hell of your own life. If your interpretations have empowering, positive, reflective, action-encouraging, motivating undertones - then life can be a very positive learning experience that isn't overwhelming.

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes." - Gandhi

I read James Allen's "As A Man Thinketh" a few months ago - a wonderful book on the topic. I highly recommend it, it is available for free online.

Creating Your Own Reality

2011-04-08T15:10:00.004-04:00

If you silent the mind and play close attention - the world is still, not much is happening, and things are very simple. Now if you allow your mind to roam and you pay attention to thoughts, meaning is everywhere and there is a whole world of depth and emotion that exist. Humans are an organism that has evolved in such a way they depend heavily on thoughts to guide actions in order to ensure survival and reproduction. Our competitive advantage over other species is that we can envision, recall, plan, imagine, and create a world that does not actually exist (in the mind).

It is very easy to believe that our thoughts are in fact some sort of ordained indisputable truth because we rely on them so much - but they are our own creation - there is nothing definite or absolute about them. The world happens, we interpret, then we act. But the world is largely random, what we have interpreted as truth is largely random, how we have interpreted is largely random, and so the way we act is largely random. Things have happened in your life and you have derived a truth and meaning from it, but a lot of the things that have happened were random, the interpretations you arrived at were random, and so a lot of your beliefs are random too.

There is something very liberating about that. Our thoughts control our emotions and actions, and we create our own thoughts. We create our interpretation of the world. We create our own reality. We can let others and the past dictate what we believe - or we can make a conscious effort to act the way we truly desire and pay close attention to our thoughts to view and ultimately change the way we create our own world.

Copy of a Copy

2011-03-17T22:13:00.003-04:00

Growing up, you are often told what is right and what is wrong. What you can do and what you can’t do. What your choices are, and what you don’t have a chance at determining. And everyone else has been around so long, has experienced so much more, and is so sure of themselves that you accept the rules and ideas imposed onto you. If you do as they say you get a pat on the head – and who doesn’t like some external validation now and then (or all the time…)?

What adults don’t tell you and what you don’t know yet, is that they and everyone else is full of shit. What is not taught is creating your own belief structure, viewpoints, goals, values and reality - feeling and behaving the way you want to because you know why you believe what you believe. Of course other people will give you a pat on the head if you buy into what they say; it reaffirms their own beliefs and gives them a sense of comfort, authority, and superiority. If you believe the same things as someone else – they are not forced to question their beliefs and assumptions. But if you dare to explore, question, or reject assumptions and beliefs imposed on you – you are essentially saying that you don’t need their validation for happiness or self-esteem and that what they believe might be incorrect or faulty.

Do you believe and do what your parents tell you to because you actually believe it, or is it because giving in is the path of least friction and you don’t want to ruffle anyone’s feathers? Do you and your friends actually share the same beliefs, or is having the same beliefs as them convenient because it makes it easier to get along? Is your boss as fair and just as he states, or is it simply in his best interest for you to think so and it is troubling for you to question whether he is taking advantage of you? Have you questioned the ideas shoved down your throat by media (being good looking is important, giving off the appearance of lots of wealth is important, you are not quite good enough of a person yet but if you just buy or do a couple more things you will be complete…) – or have you blindly accepted the ideas of those whose ultimate goal is for you to hand over your money to them?

We are all unique, but hand over your power to others because you are too scared to question what has been and is still incessantly being force fed into our brains and you become nothing but a copy, of a copy, of a copy.

Slow Down

2011-03-03T23:05:00.008-05:00

If you are a busy person, and always have multiple projects to going on, you know that life moves fast. Obligations, duties, hobbies, goals, they all eat up time. There is so much to do, so much to learn, and so little time. It can be very easy to get lost in the midst of obligations and passions and forget where you're going sometimes. Sometimes you're running so fast you forget exactly why you're running and whether you're even running in the right direction. This is why I think meditation and/or quiet time is so important for piece of mind and clarity.

The mind is in a constant state of stimulation. From work, to music, to television, to reading, to chatting with a friend to the millions of other things there are to do, it is very easy to get caught up in busy doing everything while doing nothing at all. But to me, some of my most joyous, contemplative, and insightful moments are when I shut off the music, shut off the TV, and just stand in my kitchen warming something up moving very slowly and not thinking about much at all. Or staring out the window for 15 minutes letting my mind wander. Or meditate and focus on my breathing while trying to be mindful of my thoughts. Or go on a walk and just watch the sky, look at the birds, and absorb the warmth of the sun or the chill of the wind. Or sitting on a bench outside smoking a cigar as I watch cars drive by and people walk their dogs.

Have you ever had so much to do, and you just end up saying "screw it, I'm not getting anywhere" and you walk away. And you come back to your duties later on and you still have the same amount to do - but suddenly it all seems so simple and not nearly as overwhelming. It is plain to see what really doesn't need to be done that you thought did, how a task can be done in a simpler way, why something should be put off for a couple days, and how another thing is more fun than it is a hassle. Being accomplished and achieving your potential surely necessitates being active and taking advantage of opportunities to grow - but it also depends on putting the mind at rest, giving yourself breathers so you can look at things from a more outside perspective, and remembering to slow down and take things one at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed. The world is so simple, clarity is always there, it is only our over-active and over-stimulated minds that don't let us see the woods through the trees.

Burning Karma

2011-02-13T19:08:00.009-05:00

If whenever you sit in silence your mind keeps wandering to a similar thought – the thought is something to be explored in the real world. If whenever you live your life and you have a strong emotional reaction whenever something happens, this something is meant to be explored.

The purposes of a person keep popping up and presenting themselves in numerous ways. And the purposes keep popping up until the idea/object/desire is explored until fruition – until it no longer elicits interest, desire, reaction, or curiosity.

The same reason that when you first are allowed to start drinking – you drink a lot. You have a curiosity about alcohol, you drink a lot of alcohol for a couple years, and sooner or later you know alcohol enough that it no longer has the appeal it once did. Your mind decides alcohol no longer is worthy of your mental, emotional, or physical energy and you drink less. You know what you wanted to know – what you felt the need to know. And now alcohol can take its proper place in your life – instead of being a bigger and cooler thing than really made sense.

Or how you can obsess about looking good. So you work out a lot. Buy the perfect clothes. Get haircuts all the time and all that noise. And you notice the positive effects of looking good. So you obsess more and more and get yourself looking as perfect as you can. But then you also notice its limitations. And though you will most likely carry on some of the habits you developed while in your pursuit of looking perfect – you will realize that looking great all the time isn’t worth the mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual energy you once thought it warranted. And now your mind, body, and soul are free go off looking to explore something different.

The truth is this life of exploration is just a constant burning of karma, we all have missions to lead, thoughts and emotions to explore, and a life that is calling out to us to live. Our desires, hopes, and fears are screaming at us, telling us to look at them. It is only through fear of what we may find do we look away. But there is so much to learn, to discover, to understand about ourselves – that ignoring your very spirit and letting someone or something take you off the path that your essence yearns for is the greatest disservice you can do to yourself.

This post was inspired by chapter 12 ("Be Willing To Change Everything In Your Life") of the book "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. I enjoyed this book and would recommend it.

Living Up To Expectations

2011-02-12T13:02:00.001-05:00

If you're a driven individual, there is no doubt that at times you will feel frustrated. With your eyes on the prize, and progress happening at a turtle's pace, there will be times when things seem overwhelming and you want to throw in the towel. But what are you really getting frustrated at - at things that matter to you and are in your hands - or things that others impose on you and are out of your hands? Is your frustration warranted and/or reasonable?

One thing I have found that increases my stress levels is feeling like I have to live up to the expectations of others. Things that I expect of myself are things in my control - best effort, honest living, attempt to be understanding, trying to be the best man I can be, etc. But it seems what is expected by me from others and society are things largely out of my hands - money, social status, etc.

Living up to the expectations of others is a fool's errand. If someone is expecting you to do certain things to make them satisfied - then that is someone who is putting the pressure of their happiness on you - and that is completely unfair. Each person is the only person responsible for their own happiness. Also, trying to mold yourself into the image that someone else wants you to be is an idiotic thing to do - you are giving them the power to determine your level of happiness - and nothing is stopping them from asking more and more from you.

External validation is only satisfying in the short term. It is only a short period of time before you need more. Like a drug. That is why new clothes only make you feel great for a couple weeks. Or a girl calling you sexy feels awesome for a day or two until you feel the need to hear it again. But if you are satisfied with who you are, the effort you put in, the values you live your life by, and that is the only approval you seek, who can take that away that contentment from you? If you are only looking to live up to your own expectations, you are the person in charge of your own happiness.

Emotions as an Indicator

2011-02-01T21:17:00.012-05:00

For as long as I remember, I always had the connotation that emotions were a bad thing. Western civilization largely emphasizes rational thought and logic - there is a reason everything is the way it is - and if we know the reason we can fix or at least understand anything. Emotions however are irrational - often seem to lack a reason - and seem to be relatively unhelpful.

With the importance of emotions minimized, it can be very easy to fall into a habit or trap where you ignore or discount your emotions. It can be easy to call your emotions stupid and unreasonable, and then pretend they are not there. However, emotions serve a HUGE function - they tell us we how we feel about a situation or life in general. And if life is anything - it is a general feel of things moment to moment. Life isn't logic or reasons or explanations - life is an experience - and experiences aren't explained - they are felt.

So when your emotions are negative - this is your way of realizing something needs to change. Whether your interpretation of something, your skill level at something, or your general path needs to change - who knows - but your emotions are an indicator of how your life is going and whether change is needed in an area.

Moreover, emotions that are suppressed and ignored tend to linger. The best way to get past an emotion is to listen to it. Meditate and see what thoughts keep arising. Sit down with a journal and write non-stop for 15 minutes straight. Have a drink with a trusted friend and then let it all out. If you want to get past an emotion - you have to at least listen to it and see what it is trying to say. The primary motivation for nearly all my actions are my emotions - I see what generally makes me feel good and healthy in the long run (even if it feels shitty in the short run) and I pursue it. I see what generally makes me feel shitty in the long run (even if it feels good in the short run) and I avoid it.

In conclusion, our emotions are important to listen to because they are such a huge part of our life experience. To suppress them is to try to ignore a huge part of your life experience. If you listen to your life indicator (your emotions) you can gauge how things are going and what needs to change and what needs to stay the same. Open up, stay vulnerable even if it hurts - life is trying to communicate with you.

"Centered" Defined

2011-01-27T19:03:00.002-05:00

We can spend so much of our time pursuing ideas, and never really define the ideas themselves. For me, one of those ideas is "centered". For a long time I've wanted to become a more "centered" person, but besides a vague general feeling of what being "centered' is - I never really took the time to explore the meaning and the implications of being "centered."

To me, being centered is limiting your reactivity to the outside environment. The environment is always changing and in flux, and to be the calm, relaxed, observing, self-comfortable, non-judging rock in the middle of it all is to be centered.

The environment is always changing - but to change too much with the environment is to declare that you don't have a strong sense of self. Are there are no ideals which you stand by and insist need to be recognized? Does your sense of what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and not acceptable depend on what those around you think? Are your ideas subject to change for whatever is most convenient at the time? What do you do stand for? What beliefs of yours would you never doubt? It is one thing to learn, grow, and change - it is another to have no sense of what is important to you.

To be relaxed in the midst of change is to know that the environment is not something that can overwhelm you - and if you won't be overwhelmed by outside influences you can more likely take effective and concise action. Panic, anxiety, and fear stop us from taking the action and making the changes that our hearts desire the most. To master being comfortable with the self in nearly every environment is to make the world your home - a home you can both play in and change for the better.

To be observing and non-judging is to not get lost in your own thoughts - when we are lost in our own thoughts we lose touch with reality. So many of our life stories, beliefs, and ideas have self-perpetuated through our own thoughts. The world is generally a good place, and opportunities are everywhere, but judging and assuming do nothing but close off opportunities. To judge is to assume the role of God, as if you are one that knows any absolute truth. To be non-judging is to look at things through the eyes of a baby or child - always open-minded, unassuming, and curious, looking at things from an angle that didn't previously exist.

Journey Over Destination

2011-01-22T22:53:00.002-05:00

Why does a man of good build continue to work out? Why does a man of abundant wealth continue to work? Why does an educated man continue to read? Why does an enlightened man continue to meditate?

At the surface, a man works out to look good. At the surface, a businessman works to make money. At the surface, a man reads to be smart. At the surface, a man meditates to become enlightened. But the goal isn't the point - the point is the journey.

If we're sitting at home watching TV when we know we should be working out - we're dying inside. If we're wasting time instead of putting into fruition the business ideas pumping through our veins - we're dying inside. If we accept our ignorance - we're dying inside. If we're pursuing superficial pleasures instead of studying the nature of the self - we're dying inside.

We aren't trying to get somewhere so that one day we can stop going. We're going somewhere because it's fun, interesting, and challenging to go.

It's the journey that gives us life. It's the journey that widens our eyes. It's the journey that we crave. We fool ourselves by telling ourselves we are only doing the journey to get to the destination. There's no excitement or growth at the destination. The excitement and growth happens during the journey. There's a reason why anytime we get somewhere, shortly after we want to see if we can get somewhere else - somewhere a little bit more difficult to go.

Push the envelope. Prove yourself alive. Complacency and apathy have nothing waiting for you but the decay of your spirit.

Turtles Are Sexy

2011-01-17T13:00:00.002-05:00

It is rather easy to complain about what you find unsatisfactory. We live in a world of instant pleasure. If I'm bored, I can always turn on the TV and put on a show with 2 jokes a minute for 20 minutes intertwined with 10 minutes of things I can buy to make my life better. No matter what I want to eat, all I do is pick up the phone and get delivery and here it is in half an hour. My car can take me to wherever I want to go, whether its to the mall to buy clothes to enhance myself, or its to the bar to grab a few beers to relax my mind and body. The supply meets the demand - and what we demand is fulfillment and happiness without the struggle of reflection and effort. However, such fulfillment is short-lived and empty.

No matter how many TV shows I watch I never think to myself, "Wow, I really grew as a person thanks to watching all that TV - that was amazing." No matter how many clothes I buy I never think, "Wow that was great, I'm a better person now."But you know what does make me feel better about myself? Working out, reading, meditating. Getting better at things that challenge me and my growth as a person are what make me feel the most fulfilled. But it doesn't feel great instantly, consistently doing these things however starts to yield results that surprise.

It is difficult to meditate day after day because most days, you go to meditate, you see your mind racing a million miles per hour, you struggle to just sit, the meditation ends and it seems like nothing has changed. You do this consistently and nothing seems to change. However, one day you're just living your life - something that would cause knee-jerk anger in you doesn't effect you as much - and suddenly - wow, maybe this consistent meditation has made me a more centered person. And that really feels good and raises your self-esteem. Or maybe you read the news day after day. It doesn't feel like you're getting any smarter, you're struggling to grasp and hold onto the information you read day after day - how the world functions seems no more easy to understand than when before you started to read the news. Suddenly, you enter a conversation with another individual about world events - and you start forming ideas and viewpoints you didn't know you had. And that really feels good and raises your self-esteem.

The thing is, there is no magic pill. Growth is slow, long-term, and most of the time it seems like we are getting nowhere. However, little by little we go far. We notice growth and improvements in spurts - yet most of our time is on a plateau. Learn to love and appreciate the practice, practice consistently, adjust your practice occasionally to achieve optimal results - and watch yourself grow as a person ---- slowly.

I read "Mastery" by George Leonard this week, and that is what has largely inspired this post. Many of the ideas stated above are examined in the book. I highly recommend the book, and I very much enjoyed reading it.

The Heart Of A Man

2011-01-09T12:43:00.002-05:00

The room for growth in life is infinite. We all have an ideal, and it is a gift and a blessing to work towards that ideal. It is what directs and gives purpose to our lives. Working towards an ideal has a snowball effect - the more you work towards it, the more you find there is to work at, the more you work towards it. Our lives so random and chaotic, and yet it seems undeniable if we could find and settle in our unwavering rock-like core there would surely be some sense in the nonsense.

It is in our essence to work towards the ideal, because it is through this work we get closer to our inner core - to a place of flexible strength, unshakable perspective, and unwavering self-trust. It is only through recognizing what seems important, exploring what seems important, and working towards attaining what seems important do we get to explore our inner most desires, fears, insecurities, and hopes. It is not the attainment of our desires that is important - but rather the exploration of self that happens during this process.

You get closer to your core by exploring the issues that hit closest to home. The issues that challenge and shake you the most. The issues that speak to you day after day, that you continually push to the side in resistance and denial. The issues that make your ears perk up. The issues that widen your eyes. The issues that move you emotionally. The issues that seem to grab your mental energy. The itch will itch until you scratch it.

It is good that the missions never end, and the challenges never stop, because it is through these missions and challenges we grow. It is through this growth we learn about ourselves, and as we learn about ourselves we can live a life of deeper meaning. There are moments of rest, but at the end of the day the heart of a man yearns to be out there exploring - rather than closed off in safety.

Introduction Post

2010-12-30T23:11:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid I would sometimes imagine myself in the future, and I would have all sorts of grand images of myself. I always thought "being the man" as something that would naturally come to me, as something I was entitled to, something that was inevitable - and without much examination I was fairly certain that greatness was waiting for me around the corner.

As I grew older things weren't quite going the way I had envisioned. The fact that things might not always go my way was quite a big pill to swallow. And slowly I learned that if I wanted to get the things I wanted, and ultimately feel good, it was up to me - and I wasn't entitled to anything.

And so I started working towards some of the things I wanted. I got some of the things I had desired, had not gotten others things I desired - and yet there was a constant of disillusionment and an underlying dissatisfaction. I could never get enough of what I wanted, and I was insecure about what I could not get. I was questioning my value as a person, and I felt as if I was not enjoying my life experience as much as I could be.

I had everything a reasonable man could desire and more - yet life often left a sour taste in my mouth. Someone with all my talents, someone with all my resources, someone with all my experiences, someone with a life as great as mine should not so often feel so...ungreat. Maybe it was not life that was unsatisfactory, but rather my perception of it was unhealthy. Maybe I need a more accurate outlook on life --- maybe I need to question my assumptions --- maybe I need to forget myself so I can find myself --- maybe I need to hit the reset button and find out what's really going on...

...and so this blog begins...